"Never in a million years"

After last weeks story about new footballing sensation Oliveria Birdinho, certain rumours have been flying around linking Oliveria with Arsenal FC.

These rumours allegedly pertaining from both Grandma's whom claim to be Arsenal fans and are constantly attempting dirty tactics in an effort to wind up the male contingent of the Bird Family, in particular Oliveria's father Adam.

Oliveria said (if he could) "to link me with Arsenal is a disgrace, I love my grandmothers dearly, they look after me, feed me, change me, but to suggest I would don the red shirts of Arsenal is nothing short of blasphemy".

In an attempt to silence his mother, and mother in law and protect Oliveria's integrity, Adam today is releasing a computer generated image along with the following statement "please take a look at this picture, download it, print it and put it in your purse, because it is the first and last time Oliveria will ever appear in an Arsenal shirt!".

Image: Never in a million years

Oliveria's grandfather David was unavailable for comment, but is understood to be equally disgusted with these rumours.

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